Not Now
by Red Weather Tiger
Summary: Fai finds his ever-smiling mask is cracking in Piffle Country, when his jealousy over Tomoyo and Kurogane's unspoken bond forces him leave his friends and seek solitude on the roof.


Not Now

Kurogane and Tomoyo were watching each other closely that evening. The group was sitting together in the living room of their apartment, celebrating their good fortune at the preliminary race for the Piffle Cup. The conversation was animated; only Kurogane was completely silent. Every so often, he would glance in Tomoyo's direction, his eyes narrowed. He was searching in her for the Tomoyo he knew from his own country. By the look of frustration on his face he hadn't found her. Or perhaps he had. It was hard to tell with Kurogane.

Tomoyo frequently looked at Kurogane as well, but her looks were always gentle, kind. She was searching him too, but it was unclear what she was looking for. A few times they had caught each other in the act of staring, and a moment would commence in which the two of them would blink at each other, both embarrassed, neither wanting to be the first to look away.

Fai waited for these moments to pass with bated breath, each time wondering if one of them would get up the courage to say something. They never did, but the suspense was killing him. Already he had gotten up four times to get Tomoyo and her body guards lemonade; it was all he could think of to get him out of the room so that he could breathe.

It was silly, really. To be jealous of a connection that didn't exist.

" I'm just so proud of her!" Tomoyo cried, throwing her arms around Sakura and nearly tipping her out of her chair. "I knew you would make it to the final race, Sakura! I never doubted it for a second."

Sakura blushed, her eyes traveling instantly to Syaoran, pleading for him to say something to distract Tomoyo. Syaoran just smiled the way he always did, the way that made Sakura melt. Fai watched her cheeks turn a deep red and her eyes wonder down to the floor, the urge to smile making her mouth twitch.

"With a little more practice I'm sure you'll be able to win the whole race," Tomoyo continued, oblivious of Sakura's embarrassment. "Don't you think so, Fai?"

"Most definitely," Fai smiled.

Sakura smiled timidly, "And what do you think, Kurogane?"

Kurogane looked at Sakura and Tomoyo for a minute, his face unreadable, before he shrugged and said, "Anything's possible."

Another one of those moments passed in which Tomoyo and Kurogane shamelessly gaped at one another. They both obviously had something to say, but were too nervous or stubborn to say it.

Fai found himself wanting more lemonade.

Alone outside, Fai could breathe freely. Inside, amongst all the dramatic tension, he felt he could do nothing but gasp for air. Like a fish out of water, he lacked the equipment to take in the air so laden with longing. When it was only Sakura and Syaoran it was tolerable, but now there was Kurogane too, who was so obviously pining for his precious little princess- his princess who looked so much like the girl who was sitting across from him now.

Fai hadn't given any explanation for his leaving the table. He had simply walked out, taking a bottle of alcohol with him on the way. He hadn't meant for anyone to worry about him, and by the sound of the laughter still issuing from the kitchen he was sure that no one was.

After a few minutes blissful solitude, however, Fai heard footsteps coming toward him. For a second he let himself hope it was Kurogane coming to see him, but the sound of the footsteps was much too light and dainty to be him.

"Excuse me, um, Fai?" Tomoyo said, stopping behind him.

Fai started, "Oh, Miss Tomoyo," he said, turning to face her, "I didn't know it was you."

She smiled, but that didn't hide the worry in her eyes. "I hope I'm not bothering you."

"Not at all, Miss," Fai took another swig from his bottle.

"I haven't gotten to speak with you much since we've met, I'm afraid. We've all been so busy preparing for the race, and all of my time's been spent with Sakura…" she sighed, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I noticed you seemed sad tonight, and I hope you don't mind my inquiring about it, since we don't know each other that well."

Fai smiled half-heartedly, "That's very kind of you, Miss Tomoyo, but I'm just fine."

She shook her head sadly, fixing him with a knowing stare, "Forgive me, but I don't believe you."

"Oh?"

"Sakura…Sakura has told me a little about you today. It wasn't much but it was enough for me to understand that you have been pretending to be happy."

Fai stopped in the middle of taking another drink, "Sakura said I was…?"

"She said that you were a very sad man. She said that your sadness greatly upsets her, mostly because she doesn't know what to do about it."

"I never asked Sakura to do anything-." Fai shook his head, letting the bottle slip from his limp fingers onto the ground with a small _thunk. _"I never said…I'm fine. Honestly, I'm fine."

Tomoyo shook her head again, unconvinced, but said nothing. She stood with him for a few minutes, looking past the roof out over the city. Fai wondered how much he would have to lie to get her to leave him alone.

"No matter how good you are at hiding it," Tomoyo said finally, "there are three people in that house who can sense your pain. I can understand you not wanting to talk about it with me, but surely you could talk to one of them…"

Fai shook his head, chuckling at the very thought.

"Talk to Kurogane," Tomoyo insisted, stepping forward and putting her hand on Fai's arm, "He knows pain. He may be the only one who can help you."

_He's the only one who doesn't care. _Fai thought, the idea making him grit his teeth in an attempt to keep from whimpering pathetically.

Tomoyo waited a few moments for a reply that never came, "Well," she said finally, stepping away from him, "my company and I will have to be going now. I'll see all of you tomorrow; I plan on watching Sakura practice a bit."

"That will be nice," Fai lied.

"I'm sorry there's nothing I can do to help you. Just try and think about what I said, hm?" she smiled sadly. "Good night, Fai."

"Good night, Miss."

Fai listened as Tomoyo and her body guards said their noisy goodbyes and left. _What a stubborn girl_, he thought to himself. _She's a lot like him that way, I suppose. Maybe that's why he likes her._

A few moments passed, and he could hear no noises coming from the house. Finally the door to the roof opened and Sakura came out, still dressed in her racing outfit, and tiptoed over to him.

"Fai?"

"Come to say goodnight, Princess?"

She nodded, looking troubled, "Well, yes, that and…" she looked up at him, grabbing onto his arm, her fingers clutched tightly to his jacket, "You are all right, aren't you?"

He put on his best smile for her, "Of course, Sakura. Why would you think otherwise?"

Before Sakura could answer, Syoaran stuck his head out the door, looking around for her. "Princess, are you out here?"

"Oh, yes. Just one minute!" She called, then, turning back to Fai, she stood on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Fai nodded, unsure of what to say.

Sakura went back inside, but Fai sensed that the interrogations hadn't finished yet. If his friends were as perceptive as Tomoyo said they were, then at least one more visit was in order before he could be left alone.

Sure enough, another one came. This time the footsteps he heard were definitely Kurogane's, heavy and deliberate. Fai's pulse quickened at the sound.

"You gonna stay out here all night?" The man asked, coming to a stop next to Fai.

Fai shrugged, "For a little while longer anyway."

"Here," Kurogane thrust out a hand, shoving a bottle of wine into Fai's stomach. "Drink up, there's a lot left over."

Fai took the wine and quickly untwisted the cap, "She's cute, isn't she?" he asked quietly before bringing the bottle to his lips.

Kurogane blinked, "Who? Tomoyo?" Fai avoided answering by keeping the bottle to his lips until most of it was gone. Kurogane watched him, brow furrowed. "This is one of those times when you get all distant and depressed, but refuse to talk about it, right?"

Fai wiped his mouth on his sleeve and handed the bottle back to Kurogane, "Yes, I think it is."

Kurogane set the bottle down and folded his arms, mumbling something about what an idiot Fai was.

"Oh sure, Kuro-wan," Fai replied, a smile plastered onto his face, "like you'd want to hear about it anyway."

Kurogane raised a fist and punched him in the arm, "Don't act like you know what I do and do not want to hear about, Mage."

Fai looked at him, trying to keep his grin in place, and failing, "Ouch, Kuro that hurt."

"Arrogant bastard." Kurogane shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away.

Fai's whole body trembled as he opened his mouth to speak. He wanted to tell Kurogane, tell him everything, but the thought of the look on his face stopped him. He sighed. "I'm sorry," was all he could think to say. He turned to go, suddenly finding it too hard to stay in Kurogane's presence and keep up the charade. Slowly, hesitantly he put a hand on Kurogane's cheek, something the man didn't seem to like, but didn't fight either. "I can't," Fai continued. "Not now, anyway," He let his hand slip off Kurogane's cheek and onto his chest before walking away.

Kurogane stood for a few moments rubbing his cheek and frowning. "When, then, you idiot?" he asked, turning back to watch as the roof door closed. "When?"


End file.
